I sit in the darkness, reading a discourse by someone whom I have never met, who the odds of my ever meeting are slim. And yet, I feel as if I have known him for all eternity. I have been given a glimpse into his world…a glimpse into a mind so like mine…and yet, so unlike mine…
The pains…the causes so different, yet the same; life in its eternal struggle, pushing and pulling, demolishing what once was to make room for what now is. And all around, the unhumans, w who pretend at consciousness, who affirm that they are aware, and thinking, and alive…and yet, there is never a connection like this…a connection so deep, it settles into the underpinnings of the universe, and just IS.
Love. Never has there been a topic so often discussed, so often written about, sung about, thought about…and, yet, so little understood. Both he and I, and many, many other have experienced this before…this pain, this tearing wrenching inside, that only gets worse…but never has it been for the same reason, the same causing thoughts… To each their own and never to be understood by another. A dream…recurring every once in a while, but so vivid, so excruciatingly beautiful, that not an image is altered, not a thought is tainted by memory…I feel this dream, tugging at my consciousness, pulling from within, and I resist. I pull back; I fight to keep that which I call my existence. For it is the dream of love…not the love of the worlds, but the love of one…the love that can only be achieved by letting go, completely and utterly. To give in to this is to lose… to lose one’s life, to that semblance of reality that has been built in the mind, little by little, ever since the first occurrence of that dream. I sit, and I resist, but for how long? I don’t want to lose…but what, truly am I losing? A life. A life built by the rules of others, assembled around a frame millions of others have used…A life, unique, is what I’m told, but built from the same plans as everyone else, built with the same materials, with the same methods. How different can my life be? And the dream sits, tugging, whispering that there is more to be had…there is a different way…not a better way, mind, but different. For there are many upon many who have lived their life, built on those plans, and enjoyed all of it, and had quasi-unique lives… “But there can be more,“ whispers the dream… ”You can have so much more!” And all I must do is let go…let go of the life that I have built in my mind…the safe, trite, stale, commonplace life that I call mine. And I can’t. No matter how I try, I cannot. For safe is good, I have been told, and safe is what you want…So when that dream, that love, brushes by, I do not reach out and grab on…I don’t scream out my longing…I let it pass, without a whisper…And now all I can hope is that it will come back someday…that I will be able to say “I love you,” and let go of that which I have called a life, and move on to true life…to true love……
I want to thank you, for inspiring me to newer heights, and for being someone to look up to. I only wish there were more people like you in this world…and less of those that can’t SEE what is truly around them. Thank you. I just wish I had more time to tell of how deeply you have touched me, and to write of all that I see…
There is an explanation and more riting coming...I just needed to get this up
